I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
a search helicopter?!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
3pm strippers are depressing
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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