I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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