Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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