I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
