Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
