my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
