go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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