i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
