I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
