I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
