Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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