I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize