I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
