her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
