I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
