Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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