Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
