you didnt know i had herpes?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
