i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
