He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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