BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
