YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
