So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
