No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize