I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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