I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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