the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
please come you make the beer taste better
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
