I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
