Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
