I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
