Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
