Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
