What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
