loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
