so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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