can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
