Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
