It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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