before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
