wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
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I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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