Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Randomize
