Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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