her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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