Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
