It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just gargled with NyQuil
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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