my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
