I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
