I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
please come you make the beer taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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