Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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