highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
