Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
