Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
