Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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