I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
