I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
