i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
