I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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