the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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