I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
