Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
