I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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