my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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