dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We were destined to go to rehab together
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
