Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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