Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
