They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
